Should Your Dog Respect You?

This a request that a lot of clients or potential clients have when they first contact me. If it doesn’t come up prior to booking services, it often comes up during the training process. “I want my dog to respect me.” I hope to shed some light on this common desire, but there isn’t a short or easy response to this. Basically, it depends on what you mean by “respect.”

Respect is a human concept.

First of all, dogs don’t have a concept of respect the way that humans do. They definitely form attachments to different people, other animals, and items, but they aren’t the same as human relationships. And that is okay! Being different than humans, doesn’t mean that it is bad or less than. Dogs form relationships based on previous interactions, reinforcement histories, etc. Dog training is a great way to build a bond with a dog, and how we choose to perform these training sessions and what methods we choose to utilize plays a huge role in the type of bond that we are establishing with our dogs.

One of the issues I have with the concept of “respect” when we talk about our dogs is that many trainers use the term “respect” to describe intimidation and fear. If you know me, you know that I have a huge issue with this. Dog trainers who utilize punitive training methods are the ring leaders for this. So called professionals who use outdated and harmful equipment and techniques in order to train, are building a relationship with their dog (or the dog that they are training) that is fear based. When these methods are used, behaviors are suppressed, usually only for the short term and behavioral fallout due to the punishment is common.

When dogs (or any other learner) are being taught new skills in order to AVOID a stimulation or event, this is not conducive to respect. Instead, I would call this a response to a threat. The fear and possibility of discomfort looms over the learner like an ultimatum. “Don’t bark or you will get choked.” “Come when I call you or you will get shocked.” “Do this, or else.”

This is how this is perceived by the dog, now let’s think about this in terms of human behavior. Let’s say someone comes to my home and tells me, “Give me your money or I will shoot.” If I give them my money, is this a sign of respect? Absolutely not. There is nothing respectful about this interaction, since I am being intimidated into performing specific behaviors.

It is important that we teach with kindness.

I want and NEED learning to be fun for dogs when I work with them. Otherwise the training process could be delayed and/or results could be diminished. When I train I want the dog to be there because they want to be. I want them to CHOOSE to work with me, and I think this is true when we think of our relationships with our dogs (or any other species too). We want them to want to spend time with us. When the learner chooses to be a part of the training process learning is escalated, results are improved, and the relationship between teacher and pupil is nurtured.

At the end of the day, I want a dog that is excited to learn with me and to be around me. I want a dog that is confident and secure in their relationship with me, and a dog that is confident and secure in its relationship and attachment to me, whether I am a permanent or temporary part of its life. I want a dog that is not stifling its behavior out of fear of punishment. Is this respect? I don’t think so.